


The Prank War

by acercrea



Category: Football RPF
Genre: German National Team, M/M, Prank Wars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2015-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-10 03:36:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3275213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acercrea/pseuds/acercrea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when Manu decides he has had enough of Thomas' shenanigans and pranks him back?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Prank War

The Prank War

A/N: This is for the anon who wanted a one-shot about Neuer and Müller. I hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I don’t own Thomas Müller, Manuel Neuer or anything else you recognize. This is just a story.

It started ambiguously enough with a fake spider. No big deal, but when Thomas Müller inadvertently started the biggest prank war that the German National Team had seen in recent years, I found myself battling my best friend.

Normally I know better than to start a prank war with Thomas. He and Poldi are the two biggest pranksters on the team and no one on the team has ever been able to best both of them. But Thomas crossed a line and I knew immediately that I had to try to get him back.

This story starts on the team bus after a match. It had been a tough match and most of us were exhausted. Thomas is always the exception to the rule, no matter how tiring the match had been he is always very energetic afterwards. It was sometimes difficult to be his seat mate, but no one else would sit next to the kid and I feel loyal toward him. He may be an annoying idiot sometimes, but he was my annoying idiot.

I fell asleep as soon as the bus started moving. I woke up not far from the hotel because something was tickling my cheek. I brushed it away without opening my eyes, and was drifting off again when I felt it again. I opened my eyes and let out a shriek that woke up the entire bus as I shoved a tarantula off of my shoulder. I was looking for where it had landed so I could step on it when Thomas burst out laughing next to me.

“Thomas, what did you do to Manu?” Mesut asked groggily from the front.

“I put a fake spider on his shoulder. I didn’t expect it to work quite so well. I have never heard a grown man scream like that,” Thomas noted with a laugh.

“Thomas, he told you last week that he is afraid of spiders. Apologize to him,” Mesut sighed.

“I am sorry I went out as soon as you told me that you are afraid of spiders to buy a fake spider to scare you with. It was childish and I probably won’t do it ever again,” Thomas replied.

“Wow, you suck at apologies, Thomas,” Poldi chuckled from behind us.

“Manu knows I didn’t mean it. Right Manu?” Thomas asked me.

“No, Poldi is right, you don’t know how to apologize. I will accept your apology on the condition that you admit what you did was mean,” I replied.

“Fine, whatever, it was mean, sorry. Can we move on already?” Thomas asked as we pulled up to the hotel.

“Yeah, sure,” I agreed reluctantly as we started to get off the bus.

“Hey, Manu, wait up, I can’t get my bag down, can you help me?” Poldi asked as Thomas and I stood up.

“Yeah, no problem. I will see you in the room, Thomas,” I told my seat mate.

“Ok, but if you don’t hurry I am going to pick the best bed,” Thomas replied, punching me lightly on the shoulder.

“Thomas,” I called before he could walk away.

“Yes?” Thomas asked.

“Leave the spider with me,” I told him holding my hand out.

“What spider?” he asked innocently. I just raised an eyebrow at him, so he sighed and pulled the spider out of his back pocket. As he put it into my hand he said, “You are no fun tonight, Manu.”

“I’ll see you in the room,” I dismissed him, putting the spider into my bag. By the time I turned back to Poldi we were the last two on the bus and his bag was slung over his shoulder. “Oh,” I started. “You got it?”

“It was never stuck. I just wanted to propose something to you. Thomas pranks you more than anyone else on the team, and you for the most part just take it. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to get him back?” Poldi asked.

“That is not exactly a proposal,” I noted.

“I want to help you get Thomas back,” Poldi replied.

“I don’t know, Poldi. Very few people have pranked Thomas and gotten away with it. It always turns into a huge prank war, and that is Thomas’ forte. No one beats Thomas at a prank war. They may get in a good prank or two, but no one else wins the war. Do you remember the superglue in the shampoo? Or the shaving cream thing? This could get ugly so fast. Plus he is my best friend,” I pointed out.

“Yes, all best friends run out to buy fake spiders to scare their best friends. My mistake. That is why we can win this. You are his best friend, you room with him, and he will never see it coming. What do you say? I have the perfect way to get him back, if you want to hear it,” Poldi offered.

“Ok, hypothetically, what would I have to do?” I asked.

“All you have to do is wait for Thomas to go to sleep,” Poldi started.

**

‘ _I can’t believe I am doing this,’_ I thought two hours later. I was not worried about him waking up, once Thomas is out you could back a truck through his bedroom wall and he wouldn’t even stir. I was worried about what this would mean for our friendship. I have been the butt of many of Thomas’ jokes, but I have never once retaliated. Mostly because he was my best friend, but also because he was very loyal. He may pick on me occasionally, but he always had my back when it counted. Whenever I need Thomas he was there.

I had just made up my mind, and was putting the razor back into my bag, when I saw the spider sitting on top. Suddenly I was seeing red, how dare Thomas violate our friendship with my worst fear and not even apologize. Before I knew it, the prank was done, I was putting the razor away in my bag and I was getting into bed.

**

I woke the next morning to yelling coming from the bathroom. I was groggy and had forgotten what I had done as I dragged myself to the bathroom to figure out what all the commotion was. “Thomas, what is-” I started to ask, but burst out laughing when I saw his face.

“But… eyebrows… face… my… what… gone… who… no… how…,” he fumbled, at a loss for words, which just made me laugh harder. “Will you stop laughing? This is not funny. Someone robbed me of my eyebrows last night.”

“I suppose I can give you your spider back now,” I replied, laughing so hard I needed to lean against the doorframe to keep from falling over.

“You did this?” he asked, and for just a second he looked so hurt that I regretted shaving his eyebrows in the middle of the night. But that quickly disappeared and was replaced by a look so fierce that it scared me just a little bit. “I hope you are prepared for what you have started, Neuer,” he told me, closing the door to the bathroom in my face.

As soon as word got around the team what was happening, lines were drawn, sides were chosen and no one was safe. Andre got black hair dye in his shampoo, Poldi got pepper spray in his deodorant, Özil’s underwear was swapped out for a ladies thong, someone replaced Basti’s clothes with a dress, Erik got Nair in his hair gel, someone put itching powder in Toni’s kit, and someone sewed Boateng’s pant legs shut. There seemed to be an unwritten rule that the only thing off limits was something that would intentionally injure someone. We were still a team, and we knew we needed each other, but our playing started to suffer.

It might have gone on this way forever, had it not been for Jogi getting caught in the crossfire. We were all walking back to the locker rooms, and when Jogi turned the doorknob he got a bucket of ice water dumped on his head.

It was pretty tame as far as some of the pranks had gone, but it was the last straw as far as Löw was concerned.

“Neuer and Müller, follow me right now. Everyone else, get changed and go home. There is nothing to see here,” he spoke through gritted teeth, storming off down the hall.

He stopped in front of one of the small conference rooms and opened the door. “Inside,” he ordered, holding the door open.

Thomas and I complied and Löw continued, “I don’t care what is broken, or how it got that way, but you are not getting out of this room until you fix it.” He then slammed the door and locked it, sealing us inside.

“I can’t believe you were going to ice bucket me,” Thomas grumbled.

“That wasn’t me, it must have been Poldi. He brought up yesterday how you never did complete your challenge earlier this year. I can’t believe you sewed Jerome’s pant legs together,” I told him.

“I didn’t technically do that one myself, I hired a seamstress to do it. I can’t believe you put Nair in Erik’s hair gel,” he replied.

“That was Basti, I thought that one was very mean, but definitely a great introduction for Erik to the great German NT prank war. He looks so weird bald,” I commented.

“I can’t believe you shaved my eyebrows,” Thomas spoke with no inflection.

“I am finding it hard to believe I did it myself,” I responded.

“Why did you do it? You have never participated in the silly pranks before. Why start now?” he asked me.

“It was Poldi’s idea. I almost backed out at the last minute, but as I was putting the razor away I saw that stupid spider sitting on top of my bag and it was like I was possessed. You always seem to pick on me more than the others and then use our friendship as the reason why I can’t retaliate. You always do that. Why do you do that? Why did you scare me like that?” I asked.

“Maybe I like to pull your pigtails,” he replied.

“That doesn’t make sense, Thomas,” I told him.

“It is like when you are in fifth grade, you pick on the girl you like to get her attention. Maybe that is what I am doing now,” he trailed off.

“Thomas?” I asked.

“Oh, hell, Manu, I guess I just have to show you,” he replied, and suddenly his hands were holding my face and his lips were crushing themselves to mine.

For a second I froze, but then I felt something swell up inside of me. This was Thomas, my Thomas, and everything clicked into focus. I loved him, and clearly he loved me too, why else would he risk everything on this kiss. And suddenly I was kissing him back, feeding his passion with my own, feeling something inside of me relax into the certainty of us. I was pulling him as close to me as I could, one hand fisted in his hair, the other tight around his waist. As I moved to kiss his neck I said, “I motion for a truce in this prank war.”

“I will give you anything you want as long as you never stop kissing my neck,” he replied breathlessly.

“I can live with those terms,” I replied with a chuckle as he pulled my face back to his and our lips met again.

We were interrupted a few minutes later, when Löw knocked on the door saying, “It is awfully quiet in there, please let me know you haven’t killed each other.”

“We are good Jogi. And you can let us out. I officially declare the prank war over,” Thomas called, leaning in to peck me on the lips one more time before the door opened. “We will finish this later,” he whispered in my ear, causing me to shiver in anticipation.

“Your place or mine?” I asked as the door opened and we emerged into the real world again.

A/N: Just a fluffy little Neueller piece. Let me know what you think. Let me know if you have a request, I can add you to my queue.


End file.
